How to *Properly* #Medicate Your #Dog like a Professional #Assassin #BourneSupremacy

It is important to know how to medicate your dog correctly, so that the experience will be a pleasing one for him.  This ensures that next time he needs his medication, he will come running for it!  I think the movie, Bourne Legacy, does a fantastic job at illustrating the *proper* way to medicate an animal.

First, explain to your dog in calming manner what you're about to do to him.

Let's have a bit of medication, hm?  I could rub your tummy first...

You might get this response:

The cheese was stale last time, you asshole.  Just TRY and medicate me.

He may proceed to run after you in a fit of murderous rage.  Be sure to catch him in a snare. (you were supposed to set that up earlier.  I hope you read through ALL of the instructions before doing this).

Shoot dog's friends.

THIS IS HOW I MEDICATE YOUR FRIENDS.

All of them!

WE WERE ALL OUT OF AMERICAN AND THAT CHEESE WAS EXPENSIVE!

Tackle dog from snare.

Thrust stick between jaws.  This is a comfort measure.

I'LL TAKE THE CHEESE!  I'LL TAKE THE CHEESE! OMG, PLEASE.  GIVE ME THE CHEESE!

Insert medication like so.

Gently hold jaws together to ensure swallowing, while speaking in soothing tones.

STOP TRYING TO SPIT YOUR MEDICATION ALL OVER MY NEW HOBO GLOVES!  THIS IS TO MAKE YOU BETTER!

Congratulations!  You've medicated your dog! A well medicated dog will leap over logs, literally following you to the ends of the earth to receive his next dose. 

Bitch! Get back here! Where's my cheese at!